Wednesday, May 27, 2015

I believe every woman CAN squirt

I believe every woman CAN squirt. Even though every woman is different, the basic anatomy is the same for most. Ergo, if one can, they all can. Just my opinion, and I share that opinion knowing that since I am a man, I may never truly know what I'm talking about 100% when it comes to the female body. I want to repeat. This is only my experience with the subject. I have lots of experience, but make no claim that I know everything. And, there are probably many women who have had experiences that differ from what I'm about to detail. This is a general account of my experience.

I think that many, many, many years ago, female ejaculation was probably the normal and natural way that a woman experienced sex. It was probably as normal and natural as a man ejaculating. There is probably a biological reason for it beyond just adding lubrication and keeping the vagina clean. Something like, it improves the odds of fertilization or the unique blend of chemicals in squirt perform a health function of some kind. That makes sense to me since the original purpose of sex is survival of the species. 

We made it fun, thank goodness. Us and the dolphins (and maybe some of the monkeys) are the only creatures that do it for fun. That's according to those that study animal husbandry. I'm not sure I agree with that completely. Lions fuck something like 500 times a day. I have a difficult time believing it's all for baby lions. But, that's what they say. So, it makes sense that the original purpose had something to do with making more people.

Cut forward, thousands of years of religious and societal oppression of women who have been constantly told they aren't supposed to enjoy sex and they are to only do it for procreation and to keep their man happy. Is it any wonder that female orgasm has become a LEARNED behavior (in many ways)? Now, instead of being able to just enjoy what is normal and natural, many women have to "learn" how. Where are the books and videos telling men how to ejaculate? Exactly.
First, some anatomy. The g-spot is kinda behind the clit on the inside. Visualize a line extending from the clit running up and inside. There's the g-spot. If you lay on your back and insert a finger, feel along the "top" of the vaginal canal and you'll feel several spongy ridges. That's the urethral sponge. Then around the top of that urethral sponge (generally), you will probably feel something like a "dip". There's the g-spot. A g-spot orgasm may not necessarily be from direct stimulation of that spot, but from stimulation of that spongy area, which indirectly stimulates the g-spot. It's very similar to how stimulating your clitoral hood and the area AROUND your clit gets you off but direct stimulation on the clit is often too intense. Same kinda thing.

Squirting is most commonly from vigorous stimulation of that spongy area, not necessarily the g-spot. Using your middle two fingers, make a "come hither" motion from that dip, along the ridges. Many references show people doing this with the index and middle finger. That's fine, but...

1) the fingers folded that way causes tension on the muscles in the hand and forearm and the hand and arm will get tired much, much sooner;

2) if a woman is masturbating and exploring her own body, to use those two fingers involves cranking your wrist in a very unnatural position;

3) using those two fingers (by a partner) tends to cause the hand to naturally "rotate" which changes the contact to the spongy area (urethral sponge) and reduces the effectiveness of the stimulation;

4) the hand turned can make contact with the outer labia, inner labia and vaginal opening in a way that can be more distracting than pleasurable but using the middle and ring finger leaves the index and pinky finger up and out of the way; and

5) using the middle and ring finger allows for a variety of stimulation techniques, but the other way - even when properly positioned - really only allows for the one stimulation technique.

Anyway, I digress. Apply FIRM pressure with the fingers as you do that "come hither" motion. Oh, for the love of God, TRIM YOUR NAILS THOROUGHLY before you EVER stick your fingers inside another person's body!!! Jus' sayin'. With practice, the person doing the stimulating can learn to alternate circular motions and rubbing motions along with the come hither to bridge between moments of intense stimulation. That's important for beginners because the sensations can be incredibly intense. Build, rest, repeat. Intense stimulation for a while, then gentle stimulation, then intense, etc. It is very unlikely to have an orgasm from the intense stimulation in a way that she isn't familiar with. Remember, sex for most women is as much a mental event as it is a physical one. There will be A LOT going on in her brain while this is taking place. That mental processing is REQUIRED for her to learn how. Guys, that's just the way women work. Trying to force the process actually guarantees it won't happen. So, stimulate, relax, stimulate and relax. And if nothing happens, don't sweat it. Give it a rest and try again another time. With some experience, the doors are wide open to how to do things. But at first, remember that this is a new experience that she must MENTALLY process for it to be successful. Pressure and forcing her is a strategy for it to be UNsuccessful.

I should say at this point, for many women that I've talked to, squirting and orgasm are two separate events. For many, the two things sync and become one. But, that's actually a mental process, not a biological one. It is quite possible to squirt without orgasm just as you can orgasm without squirting, and starting out, many women do. What makes the two seem like part of the same event is that the motion for one can cause the other, and may cause both at the same time. It may happen that way for you as you learn how, but it may also just be one or the other.

BUT, even though these mechanics are commonly what works, and every woman is GENERALLY similar (anatomically speaking), every woman is different, physically, emotionally and mentally. Your brain is as much to credit with success as any special skills your lover may have. Your brain can also be the greatest hinderance. Starting out, you MUST be relaxed and comfortable and be able to completely let go without reservation. If your brain isn't in the right spot, all the skills and know-how in the world won't work. But once you're in the right place, almost anything will work.

Which leads me to this: orgasm is actually a cerebral event where your brain releases oxytocin and serotonin (among other chemicals) giving you the euphoric feeling. Believe it or not, it is quite possible for orgasm to occur without any physical activity at all. Many women learn how (but that's a class for another day). Ejaculation is the physical event that happens. Ejaculation can happen without much of an orgasm. For most people (thank GAWD!) we usually don't have to learn to synchronize these two events. Some people DO have to learn, though. Squirting is one of the most common situations where the brain has to catch up to what's happening with the body. I could get into some tantra stuff where an all day orgasm can happen without a whole lot of physical stuff, but I'll save that for another discussion too.

I should also state that if you are first learning to squirt, stimulation of your urethral sponge may cause the sensation that you need to pee. This can be a little confusing for the inexperienced. First, you're told to drink LOTS of water. So, the need to pee is always a possibility. Second, because you aren't familiar with the sensation of ejaculation, your brain identifies the sensations with something you already know: peeing. Urinating may feel like the same thing until you learn the difference. Well, needing to pee can be distracting, thus keeping you from letting go. And, needing to pee can also create anxiety about making a mess, which also keeps you from relaxing and letting go. Get around this by making sure you completely empty your bladder before you engage in some squirting practice. And, get plenty of towels. That way, even if you do pee, there's no mess that can't be thrown into the washer. Pee washes out easily from towels, sheets, comforters, etc. The important thing is that you MUST relax to let go, and needing to pee - whether that's really the case or just the brain identifying the same sensation - can be a huge deterrent.
Ejaculation is not urine. I repeat. It is not urine. It is not urine. It is not urine. Anyone who thinks it is should be excommunicated until they get their head out of their ass. Because female ejaculation exits the body NEAR the urethra (via the paraurethral ducts or lacunae), there might possibly be trace amounts of urine, but no more so than the amount of urine that is a man's ejaculate. In fact, probably less. The composition of female ejaculate is mostly water, just as her natural lubrication is. But, the fluid also commonly contains urea, creatinine, prostatic acid phosphatase (PAP), prostate specific antigen (PSA) and glucose and fructose in varying amounts (usually varied by a woman's diet). Yes, pineapple juice is for women too and can make her squirt sweet and tasty, just like a man's ejaculate.

And yes, sometimes there might be a little bit of pee. Back to some anatomy. One of the primary functions of the urethral sponge is to help with incontinence. So, "pushing" out the ejaculate and urinating are similar functions, biologically speaking. Ejaculation is kind of an involuntary act by the body and when that sponge starts working to "push", any urine in the bladder can also be pushed out. But, these are two separate things. The ejaculate is one fluid. Urine is another. This is where much of the confusion in the medical community occurs. Examination of a puddle underneath the woman who just squirted a gallon or so, can give very mixed results.
I have several pieces of advice for this fact. First, if you're squeamish about bodily fluids (pee including), you may want to avoid sex altogether until you get your head out of your ass. Pee won't hurt you. Society tells us it's unacceptable to get it on you or touch it, but unless the person has some kind of medical issue, urine is perfectly safe. There are actually lots of people who drink it and claim all kinds of health benefits. "Golden showers" and other descriptors of urine play are common fetishes. Although I'm sure someone somewhere has suffered a medical issue as a result, I have yet to hear of such a situation. The biggest problem with pee is what happens in our brains because of the societal stigma, not because of any biological issue.

And second, ladies, DO YOUR KAGELS!!!!! Those are the exercises that keep your pussy tight. There are so many benefits to doing them that I could write a book. Oh wait, there are already lots of books on that.

1) Yes. It keeps you nice and tight.

2) It will help you keep the pee in and the push the squirt out. Basically, it trains that urethral sponge to do its job better. It will reduce the likelihood of you having incontinence later in life, or after childbirth.

3) The biggest reason is that the urethral sponge is a muscle. A healthy vagina does EVERYTHING better and Kagels help keep all the vaginal muscles healthy. The better in shape the muscle is, the better it will work. In this case, the better it will work for sex. The more sensitive it will be in all the right ways. As stated, there is a difference between the sensations of urination and ejaculation. Healthy muscles are going to learn and distinguish those subtle differences. Just as the same exercises (Yes, Kagels are for men, too) will give a man a better erection and more pleasure during sex, all the tissue around and inside of the vagina fills with blood and fluid in exactly the same way. Kagels improve the circulation of that blood and fluid.

4) Kagels will also reduce menstrual cramping. Menstrual cramps are often just like any other muscle cramps. I know, I know, every woman in the audience is telling me "not always". But commonly, this is truly the case. The muscles that are cramping are designed to push a bowling ball through a straw. They are VERY strong muscles. During menstruation, blood flow is thrown off through those muscles causing a fluctuation in the amount of oxygenated blood that flows through them. Doing your Kagels will improve the blood flow, thus reducing the cramping. I'm not saying it will eliminate cramps, only that it will help. I am also not saying that it will eliminate every kind of cramp that can occur doing menstruation. I am simply saying that Kagels will greatly help.
BTW, Stimulating the g-spot will also help cramps because it stimulates blood flow through all those muscles. If you get a cramp in your leg, you would massage it to stimulate the blood flow. Same thing here. Jus' sayin'. Many OBGYNs tell women to have sex to reduce cramps. That idea is not entirely off base. But, unless your man has a very unusual "hook" for a penis, or you're doing it in a position from the Kama Sutra, it probably won't hit the right spots to stimulate the necessary blow flow to actually do a lot of good. Also, many women say that sex is the LAST thing they are interested in when they have cramps. Then there's the blood. Oh so much blood. See above about being squeamish regarding bodily fluids, but many women say the blood is a turn off. Internal massage works great and a woman can easily perform the task themselves, avoiding the sex and self consciousness about blood, etc.

All of this said, the best advice anyone can give is to someone wanting to learn to squirt is: 

1) RELAX. No pressure to perform or achieve anything. 

And 2) EXPLORE your body with curiosity and a sense of adventure. No pressure to orgasm or squirt, just to patiently learn and discover. I believe most people discover what "works" for them by happy accident, not necessarily information. 
The more pressure someone applies to performance, the less likely someone is to perform. 
A woman's body is an amazing playground and the more exploration that is done, the more that will be learned. The more that is learned, the more pleasure it is possible to experience. Even if you discover some things don't do anything for you, you'll find all kinds of new things that will be amazing. Most of all, learning is fun for both people and everything you learn will compound to things that you learn next time. Have fun!! That's what it's all about.


Since posting the previous article, I have had dozens of conversations with people about it. It made me realize that I have some things to add that might also be helpful. So much of squirting has nothing to do with squirting that I wanted to cover a good exercise that is great for couples. Trying to "make it happen" can become so frustrating that it can become counterproductive to keep working on it. Here's a way to work on it, without really working on it.

Let me start with a repeat: Do your Kegels!! I cannot emphasize that enough!! And, drink lots of water. Those two things right there are almost as important as relaxing and taking the pressure off. A healthy body and healthy vagina are best equipped to perform as desired.

Here's something you might try. Instead of having a play session where you are trying to squirt (destination as the goal), have a play session where you just explore (enjoying the journey as the goal).

Have him simply explore your vagina with his fingers. No toys, just his fingers. Slowly and gently, go exploring. Don't even think about having an orgasm. This is just for educational purposes (grins). Have him tell you what everything feels like to him as he touches it. Describe it to you in as much detail as possible. Describe the texture. Describe the topography (bumpy or smooth, for example). Describe if where he's touching is firm or soft. Basically, try to paint a picture, with his words, of the inside of your vagina. The more detail he can give you, the more interesting the picture will be for both of you.

And you tell him what sensations you are feeling (pressure, pleasure, tingling, tickling for example). Remember, the goal is not to have an orgasm. The goal is just to explore. Remember some of the places he touches you so you can tell him where to return to later.

Since every woman is slightly different, what works for you and what works for someone else might be a little different. Exploring might be very helpful to discover something that works for you. It doesn't matter how experienced or knowledgeable you or your partner are, or how long you've been together. This exercise is for HIM to learn more about YOUR body and for YOU to learn more about HIS touch and how to communicate with each other. This exercise can be VERY bonding for a couple. No matter how much experience you have with someone else, or how much experience he has with other women, the best sex you will ever have is from bonding and being able to communicate what works. Look into each other's eyes as you exchange information. Really listen to what each other is describing and the picture they are painting.
Another fun tip is to give parts of your body easy to remember pet names or just names you both know what you're referring to. You'll need to be able to tell him the spots to go back to when you play. Instead of saying, "You remember that spot you touched..." and have him look at you like, "Uh, which one?", tell him, "A spot" or "Sponge" or "Top". That makes it easier when you play later and are having trouble making sentences.
A good place to look for is the "A-Spot". If you are laying on your back, this would be on the bottom of your vagina, or "Anterior" wall. This is the tissue between the anus and the vagina. This area is one of the reasons that many women orgasm from anal sex. The tissue between the two is very thin here and the sensations of stimulating this area, can be amazing!! It doesn't get stimulated very well (usually) during vaginal intercourse and is almost always neglected with the fingers because most people focus on the g-spot or "top" of the inside of the vagina. Therefore, the first time he touches it with his fingers, it may be the first time a woman has ever really experienced stimulation in this area. Use the two middle fingers and a circular motion, varying the pressure. The tissue is relatively smooth, but the firmness can vary spot to spot. Find a happy place in that area and have him rub it, or tap it with his fingers firmly, or use the "come hither" finger motion like for g-spot stimulation (only upside down for this).
Let me digress from the topic for a moment. If he slips a finger into your ass, while he has a finger on this spot, have the fingers "touch" and rub against each other. Thank me later. :)
Another great spot is higher up from the g-spot. Reach the fingers in as deep as possible and rub slowly and gently, but firmly in and out. Like the A-Spot, this area gets little, if any, stimulation. Firm finger play here can be an amazing sensation and feel wonderful, although this spot is less likely to bring you to orgasm.

And, I'll just throw this in. One of my favorites is cervix play. Before you groan with images of the pain of childbirth or your period, let me explain. There are thousands of nerve endings in the tip of the cervix and the opening of the cervix. It's probably one reason that childbirth hurts so much (just my theory). But, with thousands of nerve endings, the possibilities of pleasure are just as much. Have him use a finger to softly stroke the outside of the cervix, circling around and around it. It is likely to tickle if he is doing it right. It might not get you to orgasm, but it will be a wonderful sensation for your journey. Also, with a well manicured and generously lubricated finger, have him push inside the opening of the cervix. This is an incredibly strong muscle. He'll need to push firmly to enter. If done gently, pain should be minimal (if any) and once your body adjusts to the foreign object trying to get in and the muscles relax a little, the sensation CAN be orgasmic.

Okay, let me digress again. If you enjoy being fisted, let me add a couple of additional ideas for your exploration journey. With his fist closed, have him "roll" his knuckles across the urethral sponge and your g-spot. I'm told that it's quite nice (grins sheepishly). I know that for women I have done that to, every one of them has squirted buckets. Another idea, with an open hand, use his fingers to "suck" and gently pull on your cervix. This probably won't bring you to orgasm since the majority of those aforementioned nerve endings are in the endocervical opening. But, the sensation is a VERY nice one.
Okay. Back on point.

Doing this exploration exercise will give both of you a great education of the inside of YOUR body. Not some other woman's body. Not the general description or diagram of a woman's body from WebMD, but YOUR body. If he truly wants to make your vagina happy, this exercise will give him the education he needs to do so. You too. Good sex is a partnership. If you can't instruct him what you want / like / need, he will be guessing and will guess wrong as often as he guesses right. Even a VERY talented partner, can only be so good when they are guessing. Even the most talented and knowledgeable lover has limited potential without the information they get from the woman they are attempting to please. So, this exercise not only educates on anatomy, but is excellent practice for exchanging information.

Second, this exercise will focus the time on the journey, not the goal (orgasm, squirting) and take much of the pressure off. My #1 philosophy is that sex should be lots of fun. There is so much fun that is missed when people only focus on the goal of orgasm. Orgasms, lots and lots and lots of orgasms, are great (I am so jealous of women as I write that). But the journey can be incredible, too. Don't lose the fun of the journey by being too wrapped up in the end goal.

In addition to being fun, you might learn some new techniques, hot zones and things you like that you didn't know about. There are ALL KINDS of "spots" in a woman's vagina that can bring you pleasure, if not all the way to orgasm (I am even more jealous of women when I write that too). Go find those spots!! Have fun!!

Credit for writing this article is given to a man that goes by the screen name:

MoreFunThanMath he can be found on

No comments:

Post a Comment